I am me, i ain't pretentious no more.
You gotta know me to find it out.
And, music definitely is in me ;)
bolditalicunderlinestrikeout
My Dream
I would like to travel around the world with a loved one and watch as many sunsets as i can. It would be best if the weather is good and it comes with magnificent sceneries and the sounds of nature. Sometimes, i gotta admit that the sound of nature is euphoric.
I want to stay in a hotel room on the top floor with a full window view of a busking city so that when i look out of the window at night, i see the beautiful lights under the dark quiet sky.
I want to visit Chicago, Cassablanca and Massachusetts.
I heard the western countryside is nice. Its simple but beautiful. Quiet but filled with laughter of the people who are contented with what they have over there.
I want to experience a farm stay. Wake up to the sounds of the farm animals. Bathe horses and milk cows.
I want to see real cowboys and join them for their campfire gathering sessions. As well as sing along to the good old folk songs that they play with their guitars and banjos.
One day, eventually, i believe i will find a guy who will bring me to all these places, experience the life that i've mentioned and maybe more, as well as spend the rest of his life with me till we both turn old and grey. Until then, we will still stroll on the beach hand in hand, as we watch the sun submerge into the vast seas once again.
-Heather :)
Its not that the feelings are gone, its just that im trying my very very best to avoid them.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011 @ 9:14 PM
You have to listen to this!!
This is a very very very old song, if i'm not wrong it actually hit the charts in 1963. Gosh, my mum wasn't even born yet.
This was introduced to me by my mum when i was 4 or 5. She explained the lyrics to me, then when i listened to it again after that, i felt depressed. The power of lyrics. Everytime i listen to this song, i will go teary.
There's another version by this guy from super junior, i don't know who. Anyway, here it is. His version also not bad, but i think the original nicer :)
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee, Little jackie paper loved that rascal puff, And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee, Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee. Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail Jackie kept a lookout perched on puff’s gigantic tail,Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came, Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. Oh!Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee A dragon lives forever but not so little boys Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys. One grey night it happened, jackie paper came no more And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar. His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain, Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.
Sad right? Growing up is never easy. Its tedious and hard, with so many problems lining up to be handled. I just realised today, i have no problem helping people, but no one can help me. When it comes to certain things, i know more than others, but it doesn't seem to be helping myself. And this is when i realised, again, that having a better interpretation of words may not always be a good thing, because when you look beyond those words, you find the true meaning, and the truth always hurts.
WELL A NEW WEEK HAS STARTED AND THE WORKLOAD IS COMING IN AGAIN AND ITS JUST SO SCARY WHEN YOU DONT'T CATCH A BALL. FUN NIGHT OUT WITH CHUYUN, ZIYI, ER NING, AU WILLIE, JOSEPH, WEIYING AND SIN EE YESTERDAY AT KBOX. OK I KNOW SHOULD BE STUDYING ON A MONDAY NIGHT BUT I JUST CANT RESIST KBOX YOU SEE :P DENTAL TMR, IM EXCITED YET NERVOUS COS I CANT PREDICT WHAT DOCTOR BAY WILL SAY. ON A LIGHTER NOTE, THERE'S ONLY TWO HOURS OF SCHOOL TMR! :D
Maybe i really should stop thinking about it. It was that very ONE sentence that i heard, and that really made me upset.
There is this song that i've been listening to since i was 4 years old, when dad started playing this song in the car. At that time, i didn't really know the meaning of the song. Like duh, i was only 4, how could i have interpreted the lyrics of the song? I didn't even know the meaning of my name when i was at that age. I only found the song beautiful because of the singer's voice and the song's melody. I didn't really bother finding out what the song meant until when i was in Sec 2, when i started to fall in love with Literature and trying to find out what hidden meanings there are behind every sentences. That was when i really sat down and listened to this particular song again. And yes, i found the meaning of the song, which is sort of, heart wrenching. This song, which is titled 'I've never been to me' is actually the voice of a whore, who had chosen luxuries rather than being herself, and now, in her golden years, she realised she was wrong and regrets her decision. She's giving her advice to a younger female, in hope that she does not make the same mistake as her. If you do a search for this song in youtube, you will find rather nasty comments from many viewers calling her a whore, saying she's materialistic and stupid and saying that she deserves it because she chose to betray her body and whatnot. (I'm not talking about the singer, i'm referring to the 'personnel' in the song). But think, and ask yourself, which female out there would really want to be a whore if given better options or routes? Yes, you may despise whores, when you look at them, you may be disgusted by their behaviours. But have you wondered why they chose to be one? You might know their names, you might know how they look like, but there's one thing you definitely do not know of them, and that is, their STORY.
I know, this is rather subjective. Some people may agree with me while some may argue. It really depends on how you perceive certain things in life. I'm just sharing my views on this because i felt sad after seeing all the negative comments.
Anyway, here is the song, you might wanna take some time to listen to it.
And i did some explanation of some of the lyrics, just for those of you who may be interested in understanding this song :)
Hey lady, you, lady, cursin' at your life You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife (She's talking to a young mother who doesn't appreciate what she has in life) I've no doubt you dream about the things you never do But I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to you (No one has respected her enough to want to talk to her sincerely) Ooh I've been to Georgia and California, and, anywhere I could run Took the hand of a preacherman and we made love in the sun (She has been to beautiful places with men, and made love with them is these luxurious places) But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free (There comes a time when she realised she's not being herself) I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me Please lady, please, lady, don't just walk away 'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today (Like i've mentioned, she's sharing her experiences and giving her advice, to this younger female)I can see so much of me still living in your eyes Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies (She's tired, she has come across too many lies throughout her entire life) Oh I've been to Nice and the isle of Greece Where I sipped champagne on a yacht (Again, travelling to beautiful countries and 'enjoying' her life over there with those men) I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things That a woman ain't supposed to see (The kings refer to the rich men who hired her, and the things that a woman aint supposed to see are the various parts of a man's body, if you now what i mean) I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me Hey, you know what paradise is? It's a lie A fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be But you know what truth is? It's that little baby you're holding, and it's that man you fought with this morning The same one you're going to make love with tonight. That's truth, that's love (This is what she perceive as the truth, as reality - A woman who is married, and has borne the man of her life, a child. This is what she has regretted not doing so in her life) Sometimes I've been to cryin' for unborn children That might have made me complete (There, the children that she regretted not having. Now, she feels that her life is not complete)But I, I took the sweet life and never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet (A wrong decision she made years ago, when she thought that that was the life she wanted)I spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that cost too much to be free (She spent much time defining the term "whoring")Hey lady, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me (She's gotten the riches and the luxuries she wanted, but she's not the person she wants to be, in the end)
Awesome night out with Iras peeps again, 17 of us :)
I'm so glad to see funsize Chuyun because we always have alot of things to talk about!
Dinner at Raffles City, then headed to esplanade to chit chat and play games.
Play until damn high. Then started talking about relationship stuffs cos Soon yang asked us girls for advice on courting girls. He says he's gonna find a girlfriend in Year 2. LOL.
Was chatting among ourselves then heard Ziyi singing with the rest at the other side so of course i went over to join them! Started singing with Erning Joseph Willie and Ziyi in the open air. Omg its great to have friends who like to sing, anywhere anytime. I can't wait for another singing session with them on Monday! :D
Ok, this is the funny part. All of us were too happy talking and playing and singing until we almost missed the last train. We actually RAN to catch the last train!
I don't understand why he has to lie to me just because of his face. Why can't he just tell me the truth? Its not like as if i will look down or laugh at him. Just stop boasting and everything will be fine.
And yes, stop telling me those things. I'm not interested at all. After what i heard from them last night, i'm totally disgusted by you. Sorry but, yeah.
Alright, school is starting tomorrow. And i don't know why there's a tinge of excitement in me. Thats it, im gonna start mugging and start getting GPA 4 from year 2 semester 1 onwards :D
Did you just laugh? Because the above sentence was meant to be a joke ^^
Seriously, this time round's module looks so enstranged. I'm only looking forward to Psychology! :D
I had a great Birthday this year and i wanna say a big THANK YOU to friends who celebrated it with me, smsed me to wish me, wished me on facebook, as well as my oh so lovable family who treated me to good food!!! :)
I'm officially 18, i can't believe it. When i was 16, being 18 seems so far away. But today, i'm 18 already. OMG.
But never mind, i'm officially allowed to purchase tickets for M18 movies. *Happy Happy*
Chalet was awesome as well as a great bonding session.
First day, lugged everything there like i was running away from home, met ky and yx at paya lebar mrt stn then headed to aloha changi. Got bitten by idiotic mosquitos while waiting for ht and xy. Guess what? I have more than 10 mosquito bites now :(
Checked in and the terrace looks eerie, but we managed to overcome in eventually.
So, unpacked, then started preparing food for bbq, ky and i went changi village to get drinks.
Daniel and Guowei came, tried to start the fire but couldnt, cos i guess it was drizzling?
So nvm, we cooked the food using the stoves and microwaves instead. LOL! And the food were edible :D
Then then then, after that, i had an advanced birthday surprise! But then i kena sprayed confetti like free because i wasn't prepared for it. So yeah i just screamed and tried snatching the spray bottles from them.
Thanks so much for the surprise guys!!! And thank you ky for coming up with this as well as helping me to register for gems cos you had to go through so much stress!!! <3
Daniel and gw decided to stay over so we played and talked cock throughout the night, until 7am.
I seriously wonder how i managed to stay awake the whole night. Played truth or dare, taboo, some bomb card game until 4am plus, brain couldnt function anymore so i used xy's lappy to find 5566's songs and started singing~ Daniel got influenced so he joined in too and we were singing like nobody's business and then guess what? When we stopped and went out of the chalet, i realised there were so many pple sitting outside, and they confirmed heard us singing. Omg damn paiseh la!
2nd day, went to the beach and took long walks, steamboat, then more bonding session, attempted to sleep at 11, but then when ky and i were in the room, we started talking then couldnt stop until 1 am. LOL.
Steamboat was great, but too much food! And i think the pple next to us think we're crazy bcos we outside start fire to bbq, then inside eating steamboat. :)
3rd day, woken up by xinyi at 4.20am, went to watch sunrise. Omg the atmosphere there before the sun rises is just awesome! The dark sky, the cool wind, the sea breeze, and the sound of the seawaves! Its just so... romantic :D Haha but! All of us are girls!! So cannot romantic. LOL ^^
Checked out at 10.30 then cabbed home with ht and xy.
Overall, the chalet was fantastic, if i exclude the insects, the cats, and the bed. :D
This advanced 18th Birthday celebration is really a memorable one. <3
Friday was last day at IRAS, and i must say that i'm really thankful to have gotten this job this holiday because i really enjoyed working, i learnt many many things, and most importantly i made many awesome friends!
So, on Friday after work, we went out for a celebration. There were more than 10 of us!
Ky, Sarah, Chuyun, Nazira, ErNing, Hui Jun, WeiYing, SinYee, ZiYi, Bando, Soon Yang, Daryl, Willie and Jasmine! :D
Headed to Pizza Hut's at Suntec, chatted over food and we made damn lot of noise, and yea we took up alot of seats! After that we started walking, we just kept walking and taking photos and talking about everything, didnt really reach our destination. LOL. And SoonYang is really funny! I dont know why but everytime he say something, i will laugh. And he make good jokes :D Stayed till quite late, reached home at around 11 plus?
And suddenly, i'm just a little sad that i'll no longer be working in iras with these people. I'll definitely miss gossipping with ErNing and complaining to her about the Giro cases that i kena! :(
But yea, we promised to keep in touch and go out often! :D
Saturday night! Which was just now, i just reached home not too long ago.
Went out early in the morning, had good food, then met up with Ky, Ht, Xy and Dino to get ingredients for Chalet. Oh my the food damn heavy!
After that trained to Dhoby to meet Chuyun, trained to tampinese, shopped at T1 and we spent money! Was supposed to eat dinner with her and meet ZiYi and the rest at 6.15 but we shopped until we forgot about dinner and was late!
So, went to KTV at Bedok with Chuyun, Ziyi, ErNing, Joseph, Mingjie and Willie.
Had a really great time. Ziyi has a really nice voice! When he sings, everyone shuts up and listen. (Y)
AND OMG I FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE WHO SINGS CANTONESE SONGS TOO! I was really surprised when i asked CHUYUN whether she know any old cantonese songs or not and she said yes! And end up we found out that we listen to the same kind of cantonese songs! And tada, we ended up spamming all the Twin's cantonese songs :D
Sang till 10pm, walked to Bedok interchange for supper before leaving. I'm so glad that there's 87 at Bedok interchange and im so glad there's someone taking this same bus home with me and that person is Joseph :D
We were talking on the bus and dont know whether is it because we were talking all the way or not, because the bus journey seem so short! Haha :P
Anyway, today was really awesome. A pity Ky was not with us la! Last minute fly us aeroplane!
Chalet is tomorrow! OMGOSH i', so excited, wonder how it'll turn out to be!
And yes i'm turning 18 really really soon. Is i supposed to be a good or bad thing?
I'm both excited and scared to be turning 18. I don't wanna grow up.
TO THAT PERSON OUT THERE
Look, i know its your friendship and yes, i know i might be the third party in this case. But have you wondered, if so, why did your friend choose to be with me, a third party, instead of you? And not to forget the fact that you have known her for 10 years and yes, i've only known her for less than 2.
FYI, this is fact that i'm stating, not some words of comfort or consolation that i'm giving you.
I said this because i wanted you to think why you are the one feeling left out instead of me.
And, if you've not realised, its not one person or two people that are against you, but MANY others. Isn't it high time for you to sit down and think why this is happening and what might be the problem with you?
I'm absolutely sure the problem lies with you, not us. And stop saying that we don't give a thought to your feelings or that we don't know how you feel. In fact, we do, its you who failed to appreciate that.
I know its not nice of me to say this but i really hope you get to read this post of mine.
SO IN CONCLUSION, REFLECT.
Awesome day today!
Ok actually it started out as not so awesome because plans backfired.
Met up with Tiffany and Starfish at nex, wanted to go party world, but the rates were higher than what we thought, so there was a change of plans.
Spent some time at nex deciding what to do, then decided to go for pool at hougang plaza.
Yihao and Aryn joined us too. Omg the guys are really good at pool, tiffany and i like go there throw face only! But nvm, I think tiffany more throw face than me ^^ (oops, i think she's gonna slap me after seeing this :p )
Then, play until quite sian already, sat down and tiffany and i started camwhoring while watching the guys play. Took alot of photos but all inside her godamn big giant camera. :) So i waiting for that princess to upload them first then i can kope. :D
Headed to Cp after that to walk around and have dinner.
If i didnt have work, i would have stayed with them until damn late to talk cock and disturb aryn. but yea, work starts at 8am sharp so... FML.
Sometimes, i wish you didn't exist/ don't exist anymore. Like that, my life will be/ would be much easier. And, just within these few days, i realised there are actually people who care, way more than you. So yea, i guess i dont need you anymore.
Aloha, i'm a happy person today ^^
Soghurt made my day. Two cups of them! :D
I have to say Eve is like an elder sister to me. She takes good care of me when we're out and she teaches and helps me alot. :)
I guess you're hinting at something. Your actions are too obvious.
But whatever it is, i'm sorry, i don't wish to start anything yet.
I'm not ready. I haven't walked out of something yet.
But anyway, thank you so much for all the care, concern and laughter :)
I cut my nails! Which makes typing on this laptop much much much easier and there's lesser noise.
I actually wanted to dress up my long and shaped nails with all the blinkies and stickers that i bought some time ago but i figured that i don't have the luxury of time, my eyes wont be able to withstand the strain, and my tummy is giving me hell. Oh wells.
Left work early today because apparently i felt unwell and i really sounded like a dying person over the line until the taxpayers actually asked me to speak louder -.-
Came home, took pills, and slept. I felt like i was in a semi coma because i couldnt wake up no matter how hard i tried and i'm aware of it. I would open my eyes, look at my phone, tried to reply smses, but i'll drop it and fall back into a deep sleep. It happened twice. I only intended to sleep for 2 hours initially but ended up i slept for 5 whole hours and i'm still feeling abit light headed. Its a wonder how i can actually still phrase these words out properly.
And i suddenly feel like eating Jack's Place's chocolate mint ice cream cake. I swear its the best dessert i've ever eaten in my whole entire life. Ok, maybe because i'm a huge fan of the combination of the both.
CHOCOLATE+MINT=HAPPINESS :)
Heading out with Eve tomorrow morning and i'm actually quite excited because she say she has alot of things to tell me! =D
OHMYGOSH, i can't believe that this is happening to me. In the past, i've been objecting to this particular issue so strongly and now, its happening to me. I have great difficulty in accepting the fact that i actually fell for it but i'm feeling happy about it. Can anyone tell me why is this happening? I think i know why. Its because the world is coming to an end and eventually we will all die and at the end of the day, it doesnt really matter anymore. I'm uttering gibberish and i don't know why. *Bangs wall*
I would like to travel around the world with a loved one and watch as many sunsets as i can. It would be best if the weather is good and it comes with magnificent sceneries and the sounds of nature. Sometimes, i gotta admit that the sound of nature is euphoric. I want to stay in a hotel room on the top floor with a full window view of a busking city so that when i look out of the window at night, i see the beautiful lights under the dark quiet sky. I want to visit Chicago, Cassablanca and Massachusetts. I heard the western countryside is nice. Its simple but beautiful. Quiet but filled with laughter of the people who are contented with what they have over there. I want to experience a farm stay. Wake up to the sounds of the farm animals. Bathe horses and milk cows. I want to see real cowboys and join them for their campfire gathering sessions. As well as sing along to the good old folk songs that they play with their guitars and banjos. One day, eventually, i believe i will find a guy who will bring me to all these places, experience the life that i've mentioned and maybe more, as well as spend the rest of his life with me till we both turn old and grey. Until then, we will still stroll on the beach hand in hand, as we watch the sun submerge into the vast seas once again.
-Heather :)
OMG I THINK I AM DREAMING. I GUESS ITS THE EFFECT OF THE MEDICINE.
