You asked if i was okay, because i didn't sound okay to you.
I turned away, because tears were already whelming up in my eyes.
I really wanted to tell you i'm not okay, but i chose to not say anything instead.


I wish you knew that; when i keep quiet, it doesn't mean that i have no opinions or that i'm agreeable with what you said; when i smile, it doesn't mean that i'm alright; when i laugh, it doesn't mean that i'm happy.
Its because i don't want anyone to be unhappy, thats why i always appear to be fine with any of the arrangements that have been made even though i'm not.
Why am i always the one thinking and caring about the feelings of you people.
Can't you people put yourselves in my shoes and think for me for once?
Everytime i'm asked to do something but i don't feel like it and i retaliate, you say 'why can't you just do it, it's so simple'. I always wanted to ask you back this question, 'if it's so simple, then why can't you do it yourself', but i didn't, because i know you'll be unhappy.
I'm not as strong and independent as you think, its not that i don't cry, its not that everything is going well for me. I just don't show you my tears and tell you my problems because i know you already have many other things to worry about. And i don't want to add to your burden.
Why do our problems seem never ending? Ive never blamed you. Instead, i take up part of the responsibilty to solve the problems. So while friends are enjoying life and getting whatever they want so instantaneously, im slogging my guts out and worrying about everything, everyday. But i dont complain to anyone, because i keep thinking if i try hard enough, everything will eventually be resolved one day. Maybe its because of this reason that you keep taking me for granted. But i need you to know, im only an 18 year old girl, theres a limit to what i can do. I can't do wonders.
I try my best not to ask you for anything, but i really want you to know that when i do ask you for something, it means that i really need or yearn for it but i can't afford to get it on my own. Its not just another unnecessary want. Im contributing way more than what my friends are. But if you've realised, i had never complained about it before. I'm always giving and not taking anything.
When you blow your top, i keep quiet, not because i'm silently admitting to my mistake, but because i don't want to start an argument or a quarell, which i know will benefit neither of us at the end of the day.
Why do you always have to tell me things that i don't wish to know.
But when i try telling you my problems, you either avoid or change the subject.
Sometimes you say 'its up to you'. But i really hope you know, i tell you about it because i either need your advice, consent or opinions. Why do you throw my question back to me?
When you break a promise, or say something so confidently but at the end of the day fail to fulfil, do you know how sad and frustrated i feel? Seriously, dont promise me anything if it cannot be realised.
But then again, ive already gotten use to it, more or less.
Why am i always taken for granted. Is it because im always the least expecting one? Or is it because im the easiest going one?

I have a great load of things in my head, and i really feel terrible. Everyday i have to act like im all alright, act like the strong and happy girl that i always am. Its really tiring to keep everything going, and sometimes i really feel like giving up. Im screaming inside of me everyday.
I know you really love and care for me, i do. It looks like all of us are happy. But this really isnt the kind of life i want. Where's the kind of life that you promised me years ago?


I'm tired, im really, fucking sick and tired of this life im leading. I just want to know when all of this will end, because i don't know how long more i can keep myself together.


Now, are you sure you still want to exchange lifes with me? Trust me, be glad of being you. Your life is way better than mine, so stop whining.